k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
