I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
