I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
