Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize