I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
