I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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