my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i out mim tonsoeep
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