I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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