I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
