Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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