I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
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I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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