apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
