Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
