sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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