Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
