I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
