you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
