and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
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Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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