you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
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It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.