Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever