I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?