the condom got lost in my hair
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
