I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
