Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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