I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
