I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
