On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
