hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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