Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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