her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
