Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
