i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
