In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
