i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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