I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
