i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
