My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
