Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
