Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
