Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
