Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
