i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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