I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
