I just saw a hot homeless man
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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