You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
