Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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