I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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