he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is Oprah even human
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
