Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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