Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
