So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
