Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
