I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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