I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
