she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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