I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
