so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
