My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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