I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
