Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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