Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
