i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
