Tell her she can't have a vagina
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
