Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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