I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
