hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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