They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
